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Love

Thank you for letting me experience love, 2017!

2017-12-31

2017 was the best year of my life so far. Honest. I have never been this happy or have ever felt this loved.

I fell in love with my partner and the best thing was he loves me right back. With him came children, family and friends I now love so dearly. 2017 brought me other friends as well (<3). Several dreams came true. We had so much fun and we shared so many precious moments together, with our children and our friends and family. My children learned what it means to have a father and to experience all kinds of “firsts” with him that boys just don’t do with their moms.

But we had our portion of sorrows, mistreatment and sadness as well. Next to that we had to deal with illness and external issues. But to find someone you can share your dreams with, with whom you can share your heart, your life. Who wakes up next to you, who holds you, cares for you, treats you with kindness, respect, loves your children full heartedley..

Yes 2017, I am grateful and I will never forget you. But I am looking forward to 2018, to built further on the foundation we created in 2017.

Thanks for everything.

x Alianne

19 ways to become a confident woman

2017-12-18

I always enjoy seeing a confident woman. Not only because the power in me acknowledges the power within her but also because it is likely that she had to work hard for her confidence.

It’s sadly still very common in our society for women to be taught to be passive, and to give, give, give and ask for nothing in return. To give the best cookie on the plate to others so she is left with the crumbs.

This is especially true when we are abused. We are told we are nothing, we question our own intuition, our decision-making, but most of all, we question ourselves and shrink to the point that our self-worth, standards, and goals in life depend on the opinions of others. We forget that to take care of others we have to take care of ourselves first. A confident women isn’t afraid to speak her mind because she knows she has a message to share with the world. She will never talk negativity about herself because she knows that she is the only one that sticks with her, in good times and in bad until the end of her days. She learns how to become her own best friend.

So how do people become confident? What are their traits? What do they do?

Below I will share with you what I believe are the traits of confident women, what my believes are that made me confident and what you can do to become a confident woman yourself.

Allowing yourself to truly love someone (and allow the other to love you too)

2017-12-11

Being in love after abuse is really difficult and it is certainly not an easy task for your partner as well. For the survivor it is all about daring greatly. It is about deciding to trust while the butterflies are making you feel a bit unbalanced. It is re-finding yourself by standing in your power. It is deciding to trust in your future together, even if you are worried that he will leave. It is about letting the one you love see who you truly are; your beautiful soul and your strength, but also your flaws, your cope mechanisms and quirky ways. It is being your pure self despite the consequences. It is about letting love in, even if it is scaring the living daylights out of you.

Daring to trust that even without guarantees you are safe with this person and he won’t intentionally harm you, in fact, if he can help it he will go out of his way to prevent that very thing. It is discovering that he truly loves you for who you are. Feeling his embrace fill parts of you that you didn’t even know were empty.

It is trusting yourself and your own judgment and making the conscious decision to go for this relationship, to take a risk. Just because it is better to have tried and loved than to let yourself be guided by fear and never have loved at all.

It is being confronted by demons you thought were conquered years ago. It is deciding to trust even if you don’t understand everything he does, because most likely, it hasn’t got anything to do with you. It is knowing that you are good enough to be loved and to accept that knowledge – whatever might happen-. It is about deciding that damn it! you are not letting fear standing in the way of your connection with him.

It is about accepting your emotions, knowing where they come from but refusing to be lead by them. It is about communicating openly because if you don’t, how could he ever understand what you feel? It is respecting your own boundaries and feeling comfort when he acknowledges them.

It is trying to let go of deciphering everything he says or does. Because one of the important reasons you will do that is just to find out if you are going to be harmed and if you should run for the hills.

It is falling in love when you two talk about your future together. It is loving him even more when he opens up his soul and shares his dreams, fears, wisdom and wishes. It is feeling the wonder, the happiness and the enormous gratitude that this man came into your life and the joy you feel because he decided to be a part of it. It is feeling the warmth in your heart while watching him sleep. It is laughing so hard that you believe your heart will burst if he is joking around. It is feeling the concern when he worries and feeling that you want to do anything to make him feel better again. The thrill of getting to know him better and better with every conversation you two have. But most of all it is finding comfort in the knowledge that this man, is yours and in his arms you are finally home.